It’s been two days now, since Fayth passed away, and I am finally able to write about it. I miss her so much. Every morning, I wake up and start to cry. I want to think it was all a bad dream, but know that in reality, it isn’t. She’s gone and is not coming back. The lyrics from an Indecent Obsession song came to my head while I was thinking about it this morning.

Say it is all one bad dream
I’m gonna wake up in the morning and find you next to me
Say it is just a dream, let it be one bad dream

On Monday night, she was still listless, but eating. How could she refuse such a delicious dinner, you know? So, on Tuesday, a public holiday, we took her to the vet. I knew something was wrong. Sitting in the waiting room, I looked at her gums and saw they were white. But I was not prepared for his diagnosis.

She had cancer of the spleen. I’m not sure whether it was inside, or pressing on the spleen its self. He did a full examination, took her temperature (hoping it was bilary) and did a blood test. What was happening, was she that was losing red blood cells and her spleen had become heavy and enlarged, her abdomen swollen. While she was not in any pain, she was getting weaker and weaker. It was only a matter of time and nothing they could do.

We took her home for one more night, so that we could say goodbye. That day and Wednesday were two of the worst, if not the worst, in my entire life. Physically, she looked great, was in great spirits and everything. She ate more food from what I had cooked the previous night. Overall, she felt better, but we knew that was only because the vet had given her an injection to basically boost her strength for a while.

We went back on Wednesday morning, though I was still clutching at straws, knowing there was nothing we could do. We went over our options again, since she was looking better than the day before. Her gums were still white, though and we all agreed that it was better to remember her as she was and not watch her slowly fade away.

Marc and I stayed with her while he found a vein and administered the anesthetic. I couldn’t stop crying, telling Fayth that I loved her and that I was sorry. What exactly for, I don’t know. She was a wonderful dog and we gave her as much as we could. To be honest, she was spoilt rotten.

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