Which is the best approach to take when chatting to someone for the first time online? Though, is it really deceitful to choose to withhold certain information until you get to know the person better?
One of the residents here also chats online. But, by choice, he does not reveal information about his disability until he knows the person quite well. He has received a negative response too often, I think. Though those were not his exact words.
Could this be attributed to his age group? The older crowd being one where those with disabilities were shoveled away to institutions and forgotten about? Where to have a physical disability meant automatically that you were mentally retarded as well and classified as strange. A freak. Not to be associated with.
Maybe it is just sheer ignorance.
My style has almost always been, this is me. I am in a wheelchair. Like it or get lost. I feel that honesty is the best policy and to withhold such vital information about yourself is pretty much like being deceitful. Is deceitful the right word to use?
Anyway, this stems from well before I discovered the Internet…
In 1993, I was in Standard 7 (or Grade 9) at an all girls’ school. We had a free lesson the one day, so I said to a friend, give me the name of a guy (at our brother school) that I could write to. She gave me two names. I chose to write to Jason. In my first letter, I told him stuff about me, but did not tell him I was in a wheelchair.
I will never forget his reply. It turned out that he knew exactly who I was and asked why I had not mentioned my wheelchair in my first letter. From there, a great friendship developed. We are still in touch today, but not as often as we’d like.
Don’t get me wrong. It was not all roses. When I first started chatting, I was very green and eager to meet people online. I had more than my fair share of disappointments with insults like, “you look like a granny” when they saw my picture.
I stuck to my guns, always sharing that I was in a wheelchair, and gradually developed a sixth sense as to which chatters got past “Hi, how are you?”
I withdrew quite a bit, while married, but now that my options are open again, I have not changed my chat approach. Yet, the people I chat to are very open-minded. Maybe because the age group has matured a bit, I don’t know. I guess this is a topic that will require further investigation …
But in my shoes, what would you do – be honest, or hide your disability?
It's my life ... 
If you are not comfortable sharing, I believe you can choose not to. It’s not being decietful, it’s more appropriately being ‘selective’. The fact that you are on a wheelchair or not does not really change the person that you are.
It’s my opinion anyway 🙂
Selective … I knew there was another word for it. Words can be elusive 😀
Being in a wheelchair does not necessarily change you, but how you got to be in a wheelchair … now, that can …
How many people in chat rooms are honest.
The stereotypical naked fat man sitting at the pc joke saying he is a Matthew Mcanahey (sp) look-a-like.
When I used to be asked what I looked like I told them I had an “Eastern European” figure, after I sent a picture,is when I could sort out the ‘shallow hal” types and avoid then with the delete / tick a box or whatever the program would allow me.
True friends are accepting and the only ones worth OUR time!
Shame, Jan … what about the socially inadequate 20-year-olds who can’t approach a girl at a club? 😛 But then their inexperience can also classify them as “shallow hal” types too.
Here’s to finding true friends! 🙂
Trudie,
Honesty is always the best policy. The problem with online people are that majority of them are narrow minded idjits who cannot see further then a pc screen. They assume and live by assumptions that looks mean everything. They dont. And unfortunately people are shallow. Hence me always saying “I am short fat and ugly…” I see myself as all the above… others dont… at least I consider it being honest.
Regardless of being in a wheelchair or not. You are one of the nicest people I know. Going back to your question…. Honesty or Deceipt… Deception NEVER results in understanding (unless you have someone who is open minded enough to see the bigger picture) and people like that are Few and Far Between.
🙂
How many times do we have to tell you that none of the above are true? I’m the one that’s short, not you. Ok, unfortunately we both fat … but heck woman, you are NOT ugly ! ! ! 🙂
so many thoughts rolling around in my mind. I like the honesty approach, but then started thinking about people–especially someone who I met through my blog–who live in a specific role and love the opportunity the internet provides not to be seen & limited by that role. This woman feels she can be seen more clearly without the role. Fascinating thoughts!
now, I wonder whether you referring to me 🙂
Not at all! Somebody totally different!