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Where do I start? I can barely think clearly. My mind has shut down and all I want to do is crawl back into bed and sleep. The music is helping. Maybe I can get to a point where I can focus on my work.

What happened? A fight of devastating magnitude. Can’t say I did not see it coming and knew something like this would happen one day, for exactly the reasons that it did. Yes, I am deliberately not divulging details for a reason.

Still does not make any of it any easier.

If anything, this break up – sure feels like it is a break up – feels even worse than my divorce.

The more I try and defend myself, the more my defenses and justifications get ripped to shreds. It hurts to discover that he really does not know or understand me at all.

But, despite everything, I find myself looking for his car. Watching my door, hoping he will appear.