Today, I have felt more at peace than I have in a while. Quite strange, since nothing has really changed. I am even in the mood for blogging again, which should say something. Not sure why, since this blog has helped me through so much a year ago, but I’ve barely touched it over the last few months.
Things between Ian and myself went sour. Things were not good since I went to Port Elizabeth back in December and it all finally boiled over a few weeks ago. I value all my friendships, but sadly, some are just not meant to last.
Then, Marc got back in touch with me last week. It was nice to hear from him, but unsettling as well. As the message exchange developed and we caught up on news, I almost felt like I was being transported back to 2009 again, and I needed my space. I have since not written back, as I do not feel it is a good idea to allow it to continue. Maybe, another time, might be better.
The final money from my divorce came through a few months ago and I used some of it to invest in a new wheelchair. It finally arrived a week ago and I was ecstatic. The first thing I did, after checking out the new controls, was take it for a spin round the block, where I made several discoveries. Yanky is in some dire need of leash training. My muscles need toning and strengthening. And that chair could fly like the wind. I tested the top speed on the back stretch, going home, and could literally feel the wind in my hair, I was going so fast. Just a light breeze, but still!
Unfortunately, the seat sits 50cm higher than my old chair, so the guys fetched it on Monday to see what they can do about that extra height. I’m hoping to get it back soon again.
Then I can make a plan about getting to work again. Unfortunately, all my online ads, and e-mails and everything else have amounted to nothing. It would seem like nobody is willing to give me a lift. Fortunately, there is public transport, and there is a wheelchair friendly bus that stops right opposite our house and stops again in town, fairly close to where I need to be for work. As soon as I am more confident with my chair, I plan to ask a friend to go with me on the bus and we can check suitability together.
Besides the transport issue, work has been depressingly boring until recently. Our team develops some software which relates to the call centre and work has been rather slow. To say I have not been enjoying it lately has been an understatement. The transport issue, as well as lack of stimulation has left me moody and lethargic.
Last week, I, being the clever Sparky that I am, agreed to help on another project in an area that I know almost nothing about, before checking all the facts. Well, that woke me up, didn’t it? The project is already in the testing phase and there is me, expected to write test cases and I have nobody giving me direction and they are falling behind schedule. Even though it’s not my fault, I still feel like it is up to me to try and get them back on track. Yeah, talk about self-imposed pressure and stress.
Today, I woke up and felt like nothing could affect me. I sat here, comfortably at my desk, at home, and completed my work at my own pace. I still don’t know what has caused the change in mood. It cannot only be the challenge of something new at work. I still have my transport issues. I still have the same lack of company as before. But for some reason, it just does not matter. Not right now.