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Do something often enough, it becomes easier. Even routine. Something you don’t really think about, as you go through the motions. Try saying goodbye. Not so easy.

Getting on a plane, and feeling it accelerate on the runway. That feeling as the wheels leave the tarmac and it starts ascending into the clouds. It’s one of my favourite feelings. I get a rush. But, every time, Marc and I left Port Elizabeth, I would look out the window, at everything getting smaller, and cry. I knew I would be coming back again, but leaving my family behind, to go back to Johannesburg, never got any easier.

Today, I said goodbye to my mother and my grandmother, as they left for the airport. They were on their way to England, to join my stepfather, Gareth, who was waiting for them. The world is small. I’d chat to them on Skype and I would see them again soon. Whether they came here, or I went there. But this goodbye has been the hardest yet.

It truly is the end of an era. The end of what I can only describe as my comfort zone. The house that I grew up in, is still there, but the family is not. My brother and sister are still there, renting out rooms, to cover expenses, but the rest of our family have all moved on. I moved to Johannesburg. Dad passed away in 2006. Then Gareth left, when he was no longer able to find work. Now, it’s Mum and Mommy’s turn to leave. It is never a nice thing to be without the one you love and Mommy and Gareth deserve to be together.

There is no going back to what was. A holiday won’t be the same. Thinking about it makes me think of being a stranger in my own house. I feel sad. Lost. My heart aches. I miss my family. I don’t know what to do. But I’ll go to bed tonight and sleep. Hopefully things will be clearer in the morning.

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