, , , ,

You will never know me.

Despite the blatantly obvious reference to Edge’s intro theme on WWE, this actually has nothing to do with him. This line of thought stems from a conversation that I had online with a friend last night.

The general gist of the conversation boiled down to how well I actually knew her. We have not spoken much lately, but we were quite close at one stage. I thought I had seen it all – her ability to be a good friend, an outgoing and devoted chatter and even more caring mother who would die for her children. Yet, she told me that I did not know her at all. The only person that knows her is her husband.

It just got me wondering how well anyone knows me. What part of me I choose to show to different people. Whether anybody truly knows me at all.

There are thoughts I share with some people. Strange dreams that play through my mind, like scenes from a movie, that I probably have told nobody about at all. There are things that I am fairly sure that I am hiding from myself. Things that make me uncomfortable if I drift too close. I am not willing to face them just yet. But I know I have to soon.

Most people see my bubbly outgoing side. The mischievous little imp that loves socializing and getting to know people. Fewer see me when I am down and fewer still see my dark side. I find that I can be me best when I am online. Typing on a screen gives me a confidence that I just do not have in the real world. I do not regret being in a wheelchair, but sometimes I wonder how my life would be different without it. Would I be more confident? Would I be more daring and do things I only dream about?

End of the day, nobody ever know …