Then today was even worse. Thank heavens it is weekend and I can sleep in tomorrow. I am totally finished and should have been in bed ages ago.
It truly has been a long day. I was in at the office early, as usual, but stayed much later, since we had a deadline to meet and I was determined to get everything complete. This was despite one piece of code being so problematic that it had to be fixed a couple times before it was working as expected and tests passed.
But it’s done and signed off and I have more important things on mind.
Right now, I am wondering how a guy can break my heart not once, but twice, even across a distance of thousands of miles. Before, it was a crush, this time, it is a friendship taken for granted that now seems irreparably lost.
In hind sight, how did I not see the signs long before now? The feeling that he was distant and brushing it off because we did not chat often enough. Letting months go by between conversations because things were happening offline. I just assumed he would always be there. A friend who endured through thick and thin and made me laugh when nothing else did. “Think of dolphins, eating muffins, and pooping all over the ocean.”
How do I do it? How do I succeed in losing precious friends when the ones I have are so few and far between? What am I doing wrong? Surely, if there is a problem and I do not see it, will the friend not care enough to point it out?
Of all the friends I have lost, losing Kevin is going to be hard. Even though we never chatted as often as we should have, he was never far from my thoughts. I really wish I had a chance to try and make it right. But I guess it’s another chapter closed and another lesson learned. Albeit the hard way. As usual. 😦