Don’t you feel so small?
Dark is the night, for all
I heard somewhere that songs get stuck in your mind for a reason. Probably a recent episode of “Private Practice“. However true this may be, I have had the above lyrics stuck in my head, from a song by A-ha.
And while most people have gone to bed, I am feeling better than I have all day. I have actually come to relish the time spent after dark. There is nobody about. So quiet and peaceful as the world rests. The only person awake and nobody to bother me.
Darkness has had varied significance for me over the last year or so. As the lyrics suggest, “Don’t you feel so small?”
I am but one small being in a vast space whose boundaries are unseen in the darkness. I could scream and shout and nobody would hear me. I could wander for and endless time and not know if someone stood right next to me.
Kind of intimidating, don’t you think. And you could bring a candle or the largest spotlight, but nothing can defeat the darkness completely, besides sunlight. Even then, there are shadows and places that even the sun cannot reach.
I digress, though. For a long time, I did not like going to bed alone. Hated the fact that my bed was so empty. Then, it bugged me that so many people knew how to get hold of me, yet I hear from nobody. The only interaction occurs when comments are made on something posted by me or someone else.
I no longer care. I relish the time spent alone. And the best time for this is after dark when the rest of the world sleeps. Whether it is due to the problem with my neck, or not, I avoid people and situations that will trigger my temper. My tolerance is low and I know that I am likely to lose it with certain people. Better that I not seek friends than burn bridges and regret it later, when my health is sorted.