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I am having one of those nights. Restless, moody, not entirely happy. I have a feeling that I know the problem, but get the feeling it’s not all of it.

A few weeks ago, I got chatting to my high school crush. It’s been a few years since we last spoke, but as usual, it felt like we had never lost touch at all. It started innocently enough. I had noticed that he posted a lot of pictures on Facebook, but no status updates. I called him out on it, and he responded that even after all this time, I could still read him like a book.

I am so glad to have him as a friend, even if he is on the other side of the world.

I follow various subscribers on Twitter. One posts various random facts. Most of the time, I don’t know if they true or not. This morning, one tweet basically said that if a crush lasted more than four months, you were in love. I was smitten with this guy for seven years.

When we first started talking, I had a flood of memories from my school days. Funny how I could vividly remember things relating to him, but could not tell you which friend I had visited, made a tent in their living room and ate Christmas mince pies.

Somewhere along the way, I realized I was falling for him again. Along with those feelings were hundreds of doubts why it could not work. Why I could not allow myself to fall again. All this eve before I had started the process of getting paperwork for my South African and British passports. What the situation between us will be, if and when I make the decision to move to England, is anybody’s guess.

I am a fool. A sucker for punishment. Say what you will, but I have been thinking about this all day. If I move again, I do not want that decision to happen because of my feelings for a guy. Nor can I ask him to drop everything and move, to start over.

End of the day, that old quote still rings true: If you love him, let him go. That is exactly what I will do. He deserves to be happy. If I can help him through this rough spot, then I will take pleasure in knowing that I helped him get there. He is an amazing guy who has had, and always will, have a place in my heart.

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