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Can you see the smoke over there? That’s me trying to apply the brakes on recent events and wearing out the rubber at a rate of knots. I might as well give up and go with the flow. Let the events take me as they will.

I tell myself quite convincingly that I can live without him. But, I actually have to wonder. He is the last thing I think about when falling asleep at night, and first when I wake up. I check my computer to see if he is online, and my phone for messages.

While he may not readily admit it, I think our friendship is rubbing off on him too. He gets frustrated when he is called away from his computer, because then he cannot chat to me. I gave him the name of a chat program for his phone today, so he can save on money for text messages.

He keeps saying that we have to remain as friends. He’s going away soon and cannot face the thought of his heart being broken.

Finally, today, I found the words to say what I tried to tell him last night. A friend said, if you are too scared to live, then you might as well be dead.

Enough said …

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