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Strange, it almost feels like we were dating, though we never were. It just feels a little unreal. It’s true what they say. You don’t realize what you had until it’s gone. And I never realized how much I cared for him until he told me to leave him alone.

My biggest fault was trying to keep our friendship focused on fun. I did not want to know about his problems, and in return, I did not tell him about mine. Kevin was my ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. A shelter in the storm. Someone who helped me keep an even keel. Cliche, but true.

Maybe I should not write about this, but it might benefit me one day, looking back at this post.

In a way, I actually envied him. He had – still has – the perfect life, compared to mine. A wife, kids … I have never wanted kids, but loved hearing about his. How his eldest, Nicholas, was so smart for his age and could tell you anything you wanted to know about the planets. I still have the pictures of them in their orange and  black Halloween costumes. He looked like such a proud dad.

He would sometimes say money was tight. Not something I cared to hear. We both had problems. I just wanted to escape and focus on good times. He still seemed happy, though, and he had a loving family to go home to every night. Lucky guy.

But anyway. The friendship is over. I will miss him so much.

I woke up from a very deep sleep this morning. Yes, I cried before I slept. It helped me sleep far deeper than usual. I woke up, thinking about last night. Even though I had written him an e-mail, and blogged, there was still more going through my mind, which I have mostly written about now.

Spending time with friends here at the house, going shopping, and then spending more time with friends offline when I got back, has helped take my mind off it all. And then, I have planned a day out with Nate for tomorrow. Chris is going through to the East Rand, so I plan to catch a lift and go see a movie.

Having Nita move in to become “House mother” has been a blessing. And the fact that Yanky loves her is also a blessing. He is enjoying days home without me and she lets him out again not long after I’ve gone. He sticks to her side like glue, which is quite funny. But good too, since it minimizes the chance that he will stray out the front gate and disappear.

So, leaving him at home again while I go to movies will not be a problem. Nita will lock him away safely before she goes out, which should not be too long before I get home, so all a good plan. He will not like the loud noises of the movie, so he can have time off while we all have fun 🙂